I'm a Luckbox*

*Luckbox - "A person so full of luck in poker that it is disgusting and ridiculous. There is surely some skill involved, but a luckbox will demonstrate more luck mixed in with that skill than any other player.....ever......in the history of the world......even more than Chris Moneymaker, which is just absurd."
- Urban dictionary

The weather was gorgeous today so I got to Murren early to start training before Paranoia Acrobatixx starts in a week. I was really motivated to get a lot of flights so I hustled from the beginning to do 2 flights an hour. (Usually, you'll get a flight an hour as the gondola runs at :25 after the hour, then 30 min. later at :55.) Since the flight lasts about 3 - 4 minutes (like a tow), it's possible to do this.

After practicing some real basic stuff like asym sprials and dynamic full stalls, I decided to practice the run I'd do at Paranoia: tumble, helico - helico, helico - SAT. At this comp, we won't get much height - maybe 500 meters? - so we'll only have room for 3 tricks.

On my fifth flight, I go for a high tumble. Because my entry was either too slow or I didn't pull enough, the wing went limp after the second turn, causing the left side to collapse into the lines causing a line over/bowtie. Having seen this before over the lake, I knew it wasn't correctable so I decided to throw my reserve before things got ugly. The reserve opened just fine as I began to pull the wing in. Although I landed hard, thanks to the PLF, I landed perfectly, dissipating the energy across my body, in one of the grass fields without a scratch. I folded up my wing, stuffed the reserve in the harness, and walked back to my car. Because I was trying out my friend's harness, I simply put his in the car, grabbed my own harness and was on the next gondola 30 minutes later. For me, it's important to get right back "on the horse" so I don't experience "paralysis by analysis". It happened, I learned from it, so move on . . . .

Skip forward 2 flights.

The flight after the reserve toss was pretty eventful, so on the next one, I was gonna try my routine again, sans the tumble. So, it was just gonna be the helico - helico (twister)and helico - SAT. Although I just started nailing the twister earlier in the week, I wanted to get it cleaner and also incorporate it into an actual run.

I start my run around 700 meters or so. The left helico was perfect - going fast, no oscillations, and completely open. I slowed the right side down after 6 - 7 rotations, and held the wing in parachutal, preparing it to go the other way. However, I did this for too long which will make the wing want to re-start VERY hard. (On an acro glider, if you aren't ready for it, this can be very bad.)

Because I gave the wing too much "re-start power", the left side spun super-fast when I let it fly - so much so that my body couldn't follow thereby causing - in 2 seconds! - 2 riser twists. Now this isn't so bad as I'd simply take my hands out of the toggles and get control of the glider using the rear risers (the PG adage "steer then clear" is good to remember) before the wing starts to wind up in a deep spiral dive. But as soon as I started to do this, the wing suddenly shot out in front of me (in a 2nd re-start?) causing a severe collapse on the left wing tip - or should I say the ENTIRE left side! - so severe that as my falling body passed by the wing, I got caught in the lines.

"Oh Shit!" (OS!) #1: I'm now partially covered in lines, leaned entirely on the left side, and starting to spin uncontrollably. (I don't think I was spiraling because the wing was on top of me the whole time - it started spinning to the left faster and faster.)

OS! moment #2: I go for my right reserve but realize that there are lines covering it. Somehow I get the reserve out of the container but it doesn't fully come out. My guess is because of the lines. I never saw it deploy.

OS! moment #3: Not seeing any good results from OS moment #2, I go for my 2nd reserve which is now underneath me. Because that side isn't covered in lines, I'm able to pull the reserve and it comes out of the container, but it doesn't deploy right away! Somehow, even though I'm spinning uncontrollably, I look up and the see the d-bag with my last reserve floating above me. As any reasonable person would do after having experienced 3 consecutive OS moments, I tugged the F*CK out of the lines to get the reserve out and - VOILA! - it began to open up.

WHEW moment #1: The reserve starts to inflate and I'm elated . . . . but this lasts for 2 seconds.

OS! moment #4: Because I'm spinning so fast and didn't have enough time to pull the wing in, it starts wrapping around the reserve which is just starting to inflate.

OS! moment #5: My last reserve can't inflate. Realizing this, I do my best to somehow unwrap the reserve from the wing. While obviously a desperate measure, I needed to do something.

OS! moment #6: Desperate measure doesn't work. I'm now spinning to the ground with only the hope that whatever part of the wing and whatever part of the reserve that are opened will somehow slow my descent.

OS! moment #7: I'm somehow able to make out that I'll be falling close to a house and hoping that the valley wind will somehow push me away from it.

After seven (7) OS! moments, I hit the ground, unsure of whether or not I PLF'ed, thankful that I missed the house . . . . by 3 meters. As I write this, I have no idea how I landed. All I know is that I landed "perfectly", as you'll soon read.

From all this, after having been checked out by a doctor for any back or spinal injury, I walk away with only a concussion, a bruised left eye, some sore back muscles, and a cut on my right pinkie caused by the one of the lines. I'm grateful that all I have to face is 2 days of painful rest.

Consider that a real WHEW moment.

I want to thank some of the local pilots whose names escape me at the moment for their help in folding my wing and gathering the reserves, driving my car to the hospital, then giving me a ride home.

What I've learned from this is simple . . . . I should take all the money I have and play in as many lotteries as possible in as many countries that have them.

Being the luckbox that I am, there's no doubt I will win every one.